Here is a question that you should not ask your spouse: "If I were an animal, what kind of animal would I be?" Now, mind you, when I put this question to my dearest one, it didn't occur to me to apply the maxim I'm so fond of quoting, to wit: don't ask the question if you can't stand the answer. Anyway, I don't really know what I expected she would say, but I can tell you this, it was not what I actually heard.
Question: If I were an animal, what kind of animal would I be?
Answer: A turtle.
I won't even go into the explanation of why this answer was, according to my spouse, exactly right. She was surprised at my negative reaction to this characterization. (See accompanying photo.) Upon reflection, I think I can think of at least 100 animals off the top of my head that I would rather be. This is one of those sayings that even with my wretched, truly wretched memory, I won't be forgetting.