We Can All Stop Worrying

Here's the best news I've had to report here in a long while. Despite the murderous war in Afghanistan, which your president has just decided to extend by an indefinite amount of time--if he thinks we're going to begin drawing down in the 18 months has plan calls for, he is crazier than I think he is--despite the crushing economic crisis the country is suffering with no end in sight, despite the madness that prevails in the land (Palin, tea-baggers, mass murders), despite the fact we've been royally hosed by the Wall Street bankers who are not going to be punished and who indeed are prospering as never before at our expense . . . despite all this, we can all relax. Because Jesus is on the job and his special envoy, Mary Jo Coady of Methuen, Massachusetts, has assured us that he is "listening." Yes, she has seen the Savior, and not where you would expect: like sitting in your recliner when you walk in from work, or next to you on the front seat of the car not wearing a seat belt, or behind you on the elevator and also getting out on the 12th floor, or even waiting on you at the Christmas lines in Walgreens--no, you know that foxy Jesus isn't going to do anything that predictable. No, he is decided in his infinite wisdom that the best way to get his Good News to us in these dark days is to appear to Mary Jo on the bottom of her steam iron.* Of course, at first blush this seems like a totally nonsensical plan, but if you think about it long enough, and perhaps pray over it some, you of course will come to the conclusion that this is really only one of a very few ways Jesus would reveal himself to us.

*Mary Jo plans to get a new iron and keep the Jesus iron in her closet. This is absolute proof of the authenticity of this miraculous event: an American with a marketable curiosity decides not to exploit it to make money.