Saturday, December 26, 2009

Safe, Safer . . . Frigging Impervious (Till the Next Time)

Here's some news to brighten your holidays: as a result of the attempted bombing of the Northwest flight from Amsterdam to Detroit yesterday--I leave aside the question of just how in the hell something like this was allowed to happen given the current level of absurd security procedures we must endure now--TSA is clapping on a whole bunch more restrictions on the poor, hapless air traveler. I've had occasion to complain before about the torture one must go through to get on a plane and fly anywhere. I think it's ridiculous, but there are many, many things that I think are ridiculous that other people don't see that way. So I guess now we're all going to feel safer (is it okay to be supremely annoyed at the same time?) when TSA ratchets up the torture wheel a little tighter on all of us who have the misfortune to have to fly somewhere in the United States. Here's a snippet from a story that ran in the New York Times:

According to a statement posted Saturday morning on Air Canada’s Web site, the Transportation Security Administration will severely limit the behavior of both passengers and crew during flights in United States airspace — restricting movement in the final hour of flight. Late Saturday morning, the T.S.A. had not yet included this new information on its own Web site.
“Among other things,” the statement in Air Canada’s Web site read, “during the final hour of flight customers must remain seated, will not be allowed to access carry-on baggage, or have personal belongings or other items on their laps.”

So, got that? For the final hour of every flight, you are going to be glued to your seat. Don't even think about having to go to the bathroom. By God, you just hold it till your eyes turn yellow. But remember, it's for your own safety. Oh, and that book or magazine you were reading. Hell, no, you cannot read anything, and that includes a Kindle. You must sit, mute and meek in your seat, just like a classroom of miscreants being kept after school. But, remember, this is for your own safety. Oh, and you're only going to be allowed one carry-on bag now, and you're going to be screened at the airport gates, according to the story. Airport gates? What in the hell does that mean? Are we going to have to go through another security procedure before the one we all endure now to get to our airplane?

Why don't we just cut to the chase and institute a rule that no one can carry anything onto an airplane and all passengers must be stripped nude to board the aircraft? But don't worry about it . . . it would all be for our own safety.
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