Did you catch him yesterday? If you didn't, read this. His problem this time? (He's always got a problem, and unlike people like me, he's got no discernible sense of humor, nor--heaven forbid it!--anything approaching self-effacement or ability to find himself silly sometimes.) Blue jeans. That's right. One of the most comfortable garments in my chest of drawers, and I'll bet yours, too. Take that back . . . the most comfortable garment in my chest of drawers, and I'll bet yours, too. And I'll bet you have more than one pair of jeans, too. Well, get ready. Little guttersnipe Will says: you're a "blight on America's surface." You're wearing an "infantile uniform." "Denim is the clerical vestment for the priesthood of all believers in democracy's catechism of leveling -- thou shalt not dress better than society's most slovenly." Got that, you ruffians, you tasteless slobs?
"Denim is the carefully calculated costume of people eager to communicate indifference to appearances," he continues. Only a pinhead snob like Will could conclude that when you put your jeans on, you are engaged in careful calculation about how little you care about appearances. Not only that . . . "The appearances that people choose to present in public are cues from which we make inferences about their maturity and respect for those to whom they are presenting themselves." So think about this next time you slip into those comfortable jeans: you're not only immature but just being seen in jeans is an act of disrespect to everybody who sees you. The girl in the picture above is disrespecting all of us as we speak.
What can we say about this supercilious little twit? Better yet, say to him? How about:
Hey, you self-satisfied, haughty little prick, I hope when you get to whatever circle of hell they're condemning the fatally proud to these days, I hope that you are condemned to wear a pair of unbroken-in blue jeans that ride up painfully in your crotch for all eternity.It would serve you right. God is a just God