What Is This?

I'm talking about this new attitude I seem to have developed as I approach age 70. All of a sudden I just don't seem to care too much about all the things that used to rattle my cage. For example, I'm on the verge of quitting to watch the PBS News Hour every night every night. Why? Because it doesn't seem that important to me anymore. Plus, I've got disgusted with the way they are doing the news. Everything is a contest. In the political realm they have signed on to the silly notion that one idea is as good as another and that "balanced" coverage requires that idiocy be given equal time. The program, which I have never missed, doesn't engage me like it used to. In fact, it's just pissing me off now more than it is enlightening me. Is this a sign of terminal decrepitude, not to really care much anymore about all the foo-rah-rah going on. Seems like I've heard it all before.

Hell, I can always read the news if I choose. Fact of the matter is, I'd rather be reading. Television is largely a waste of time, except for baseball games, LSU football (which I'm almost ashamed to admit I am still a devotee of), Masterpiece, and a few other quality shows.

I guess I'm just getting tired of the same old shit, and hearing the same old shit promises and "solutions" from politicians, the same old shit coming out of Hollywood--I mean, how many good movies have you seen lately? The same ole religious shit that makes no sense and doesn't begin to grasp the gospel. Doesn't it seem that they're getting worse, or is that just me? I'm finding advertising, screaming capitalism, commercials – all just totally futile, and maddening. I'm sick to death of lies. Lies everywhere, but mostly from the mouths of so-called leaders. The real leaders, the ones who can see what the actual problems of the world are and want to address them realistically, humanely (instead of with smoke and mirrors or blah-blah-blah or more-for-me-less-for-you-is-the-answer), it seems to me are just ignored. I search in vain for some sort of moral, upright example of courage in leadership anywhere. Don't see it, except from people who cannot change much of anything. It's discouraging, brothers and sisters.

Maybe I've come to realize, after years of saying so, that things really are not going to change. Maybe what's left of my hope is draining away. I say this, but I don't know if I really believe it – that hope is draining away. It just feels that way sometimes, which is why I need to be around my kids and grandkids whose future stretches out before them and who can give an aging, cynical, but earnest historian and aspiring Christian an alternate viewpoint.

In the meantime, I'm just keep on working on my history stuff which certainly holds my attention and keeps me busy. Doing my poems, listening to my music. Loving my dear wife and chugging along. I'm resolved to read. Read more. I just started a new book on Gettysburg which is already got me quite engaged. I also intend to be a little bit more faithful about checking in here. We'll see how that works.

Or maybe, just maybe, all this is temporary and I'll be snapping out of it tomorrow or the next day. This is what used to be known as blue funk . . . now it's known as check your anti-depressant.